Goodbye 2016

Goodbye 2016

 

new-year

Once upon a time, in a state shaped like a mitten, a woman started her year off with high expectations, hope, and a dream.  That year was 2016 to be exact and that year did not finish at all as she hoped.  Who was that woman?  Haha!  Yup. Me.  Mystery right?  This year started off with so much  hope, but it didn’t turn out anything like I had planned.  And for a recovering control-a-holic, I think I am maintaining as best as can be expected.

When I started this blog, I did so as a response to a stirring that had been deep within me for some time.  It was this crazy hope that I could let go of my plan and let God weave my tapestry of life to be His own.  I truly surrendered this year after  some long years of trying  to make life happen the way I thought it should.  And with that surrender came a dance between fear and faith and I have been doing the dance all year.

This year had me believing in miracles, but as the year has transpired, I see that those miracles may not happen the way I thought they would.  Relationships with those I love the most may not pan out in the way a psychology book dictates is the best way.  That is soul crushing on a fleshly level.  But when I peek deep inside the core of my soul, I realize that this life is but a vapor in the wind and in this vapor God wants my heart above all else.   And if He wants my heart, He wants the hearts of those I love as well.  My individual efforts cannot be what fixes my own heart and my love alone cannot be what fixes another’s.  It’s the struggle through the war of life and the final surrender on some hill you thought you would die on that becomes the moment when the aching human heart opens up to be filled up and fixed up by the One who made it.  That surrender is the one God wants more than our everyday circumstantial peace and happiness.  This surrender is the one that gives peace in spite of the circumstances.  Hope when people fail us and we fail them.  Future when our current reality is dark.   This is what I am s-l-o-w-l-y wanting for the people I love more than our daily happiness together.  I want the people I love to know a love bigger than the one I will ever be able to give them.

On the surface, it seems that a look back on 2016 will show sadness, disappointment, and brokenness, it really is a look back on a metamorphosis in my heart.  A struggle to learn that life is beautiful in its own broken ways.  A lesson in a vertical love that is greater than the one I can give or receive laterally with the people on this earth.  That love relationship is the one that I need to trust more than hurt people who hurt people.  That relationship is the one that will help me continue making my house a love filled home no matter where it is or who is within the walls.

As we say adios to 2016 and this new year approaches, don’t resolve to do a list of 17 things to make your life better.  Resolve to do one thing.  Surrender and get closer to the One who can heal a human heart and give you the strength and hope to keep pushing through when life wants to hold you back.  That’s how I will be starting my new year.

Life is good.  High five for home.

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About Kendra

Kendra is a full time elementary teacher and mommy to a sweet and sassy 7 year old. She poured her heart and soul into her classroom and earning her graduate degree before becoming a mom and has spent motherhood trying to find a way to balance career and home and appreciate the journey while doing it. She’s a lake loving, ranch on pizza, pop can recycling, map on her hand Michigan girl! This momma never learned how to play euchre, but you can find her making a pretty long list, reading a book, or planning her next adventure in America’s high five! High five for home!

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